Anger is it Really a Bad Thing?

Hi All, Happy almost official Summer. 

Usually when I write it is because something has struck a cord in me that I want to communicate out into the world (and especially to whoever you are who reads these posts, by the way, thank you) so this time is no different.

Emotions, what a broad spectrum of feelings, some feel good and some don’t feel so good. Throughout our lives many of us have been instructed to ‘keep our emotions under control’. Well, what the heck does that mean. I have been asking myself this question for a very long time. I blame it on the time period I grew up in (70’s and 80’s) and the environment I grew up in (Catholic school for 12 years!!!). If you know you know. 

Any emotional communications were not something that was welcome, not even the good ones. Being told to ‘Quiet down’, when laughing and joking with friends, ‘Stop Crying’ when we were sad, scared or angry, or a favorite, ‘keep that temper under control’ were common things heard throughout my childhood. 

The above directives aren’t completely without merit, as there are times and places in which not sharing our raw emotions are not only a good idea, but necessary. It becomes a problem when you don’t get a chance to express those emotions at all or aren’t given tools to express them, especially the so called negative ones. What I have come to have a deeper understanding of, since becoming a Grief Recovery Specialist™, is that these unreleased or unsaid emotional communications is what leads to a plethora of issues later on, physical maladies, mental health issues, disharmony within relationships and unresolved grief.

Now, if you haven’t read one of my previous posts (March 19), I am a big believer in the PAUSE. It allows us to deliver our feelings in a clearer manner in order for the emotional communications to be received. Sometimes the pause may last only a few seconds or minutes but it can be as long as hours or even days. From personal experience when I am angry and I mean ANGRY, I do not deliver my message well unless I take the much needed pause to collect my thoughts and say what is on my mind. Instead it builds up until one of 2 things happens, I will either become physically ill in the form of stomach issues or throat issues

( i.e. ever felt that lump in your throat when there isn’t an apparent reason like a heartbreaking movie scene? what needs to be said gets stuck in the throat), or I let it all out in the most ill mannered way,(not proud moments of mine). 

One last important note, in my opinion anger is not always a bad thing. Anger can lead to some powerful transformations; change within oneself, a shift within a relationship, or a complete overhaul of unjust laws or policies in a society. It is when Anger is used constructively instead of destructively that it can become a positive force for much needed revisions. 

Wishing you love and light,

Jan