Compromises vs Boundaries

Happy New Year!! Hope everyone is filled with hope for this year. I brought in the New Year with a quiet night at home with my husband, watching a movie, with our dog, Bandit, and cat, Ellie May, curled up on the couch with us. Admittedly I was in bed prior to the clock striking midnight. Not a bad way to ring in 2024.

Now, I considered writing about different intentions to set going into the new year about health and affirmations, but upon reflection came to decide on the title above. Compromises vs Boundaries. These are only my thoughts and are not based on research or articles per se, just what I have come to believe. 

Let’s start with what an emotional Boundary is.  It “is a limit you can set on what you will accept of another person’s words or actions.” (crossroads indy)“taking ownership of your own feelings and not being made to feel responsible for other people's feelings.”(masterclass)

So, what is my point in all of this? Setting emotional boundaries seems to be the current popular strategy in helping us all with our mental health. And to be clear it absolutely helps us all with our mental and emotional health. It certainly has helped me. I have a clear understanding as to what level and types of negative behaviors I will accept in myself and from others. It has been a game changer for sure. 

When someone else’s behavior is not in alignment with me, I need to make a decision. Is this behavior a long standing pattern in this individual, in which I have just accepted even though it causes me pain and continues though I have made them aware of this? If so, then I need to have a hard conversation usually with myself to limit the relationship or abandon it altogether. 

Now, Compromise, what is it? According to Google dictionary: A compromise is “an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions”. Basically, you don’t get your way but you also don’t not get your way either (did that make sense?) A compromise for me usually feels right in my gut. I’m not all warm and fuzzy but I’m not cold and angry either, I’m just neutral. And it is ok to not get everything we want all the time. In fact, it is good for us, it helps us to exercise the prefrontal cortex of the brain, the logical part, the negotiating part. In addition, it allows us the opportunity to look at things from different perspectives. This is a capability that we are often lacking and surely need to work on improving. 

When is compromising abandoning your boundaries? If your gut is churning, or you feel fear with how things are turning out, it is a good indication that you are deserting your boundaries. Take a pause to assess, is the amygdala(emotional) part of the brain hijacking us or is this a clear message? Only you will know for yourself. Listen to your body and your intuition. You will know when you are abandoning yourself or are just uncomfortable with compromising. You will know when something feels like a sacrifice instead of a concession.

My hope for all of you is for setting healthy boundaries in 2024 and knowing when a compromise is the right thing and not a forsaking of your heart.

Sending Peace and Light to you all for the new year and beyond.